Betty Reid Soskin has something I want

I do not know what I can learn from this sickening atrocity, or how I will love my life, spend this day, and also deal with these feelings of sadness and rage. But I am beginning to know what I might learn from Betty Reid Soskin, the person. I did not even know this woman existed--this 94 year old park ranger, the world's oldest park ranger. When I read her story, and how she escaped, locked herself in bathroom, plugged in an iron and stood ready to brand the bastard--I knew she had courage. Not a survivor!!! But a liver and lover of life and justice! An exemplar of compassion and wisdom. read her amazing blog. Looking on her most recent Facebook post, I saw evidence of a world of support and love and appreciation--but also frightening hints that this is not just the random strike of a random devil, but a targetted hate crime and definitely a #blacklivesmatter issue of racist malice. Less than two weeks ago, she had been highly vocal about invasion of privacy and inappropriate feedback on social media, and she had been vocal about Orlando. And I know in my bones she will continue to be so. Some are more frightened and paralyzed by the aftershocks of trauma and violence than others, but this woman teaches me that fear will not be my master. And that wisdom is necessary--one can not go about spewing hatred and rage or venting one's emotions, but a true response is called for! And this is what she offers. This woman has lived her life in response to life--in response to the sickness and twisted ways of humans, as well as in response to the beauty and love of humans and nature. SHE HAS LIVED and LOVED. I do not know her faith or spiritual beliefs--but I would like to know, because I WANT WHAT SHE HAS. The most powerful thing I can do with my sadness and rage and sense of horror and powerlessness today --is not to preach to the choir or make idiot proclamations of what I will or should do, but to continue to live my life with love, gratitude and as much humility as I can muster. To say today that I stand with those who are marginalized and victims of hate and racism, not out of pity, but out of recognition and as a fellow human walking toward light and freedom. Betty Reid Soskin should be commemorated on a coin. They may have robbed her of her beautiful coin, but no one can steal one drop of the gold that she shares with others all day long.

MarShawn McCarrel's Life and Death Matters

Honored three days before his death, at NAACP Image Awards
pictured with his mom

Reading about this freedom fighter today, I am gaining a picture of who MarShawn McCarrell was and what he worked for. His social media posts, specifically his Twitter feed in the weeks before his death, have told me more than the newspaper reports. His personal shares are heart -shattering in the context of his death, and as one progresses, undeniably chilling--not because we are seeing the progression of a man moving toward suicide, but because there is no clear and absolute sign it is to happen.



He speaks of getting a tattoo, of being in the mood to paint, of "wanting to record" when he returns from his trip, and he makes the sort of light jokes that one would not connect with a man who knew he was soon to committ suicide. His obvious and touching respect and consideration for his mom--and for all those he is fighting for--would be in direct opposition to giving up, let alone taking his life in a public place, so he was either a man in great conflict, or else it didn't happen like that.

  It would perhaps be understandable, but no less tragic, if his death were a statement of protest, but that wasn't his style. He valued life, including his own. Just look at the video produced by the organization he founded--or read his poems, and you will see the tone of hope and strength, and above all, action.

Untreated, or poorly managed mental illness has a power of its own that trumps all, this is true. But is it true that MarShawn McCarrel suffered from severe illness? If so, was it the sort of illness known to strike rapidly? One minute clear and lucid and the next ready to die.

Only his friends and associates would know whether he had a polar opposite side. To be either premeditating suicide, or to be seized with a sudden unstoppable urge--was that consistent with who this man was, or consistent with a known diagnosis?

It seems coincidental that yet another young activist who speaks out against others being shot down,  is himself shot down--supposedly by his own hand. I'm not hinting that there was no suicide, although strangely, there were no witnesses to a shooting that took place during rush hour.
Several reported being in the vicinity, at a bus stop, seeing the aftermath, but not the actual act.

I would imagine if he was of relatively sound mind, which he seemed to be, that a man who had devoted these past years to helping to build communities, feed communities and inspire and empower youth, a man who spoke of a spiritual life and seemed--(from all reports I have read)--to reach for one in daily life--that this man, even if he had good reason to die, would be blind-sided by despair and leave behind no note or else a heartfelt letter--the two cryptic lines on his final Facebook post is what sets off the most alarms--for me. Is that really what he would do and say? I would want to ask an expert psychiatrist if that seemed plausible, given his personality.

 Beyond that, he had much to live for. Days before he died, he and his mom had flown out and he was honored at the NAACP Image Awards. He had every reason to be proud. Of course, one who suffers from severe mental illness has times where all reason is crushed, and of course with severe mood swings, this can happen overnight. But again--conjecture.

Excerpts from twitter feed cut and pasted in chronological order

I feel this is a criminal case, because it is a criminal waste,  when a life filled with potential is snuffed out, a waste that warrants investigation into the motives and the means of this crime. I believe a true investigation, perhaps by objective journalists, would turn up a variety of system failures and human frailties as well as strengths. It would possibly turn up a multitude of causes, not the least of which were the threats he received and the barrage of notes from haters, one of which was also recently posted on Facebook.

A post on MarShawn's Facebook page less than 30 days before his death

He was dead less than a month after he posted this.  But of course, African American activists routinely get threats. And what if this constant aggression did not spur him on, but torment him, and contribute to any underlying mental health issues? Or is it possible that hatred kills. Because ultimately--it does.

A hero and lover of justice and equality, who is struck down by mental illness-- raises questions about mental illness and its treatment--or lack of treatment.  Further investigation--an perhaps open discussion, without stigma-- gives us the opportunity to educate ourselves, raise awareness and compassion--all of which leads to more intervention and treatment for those who suffer.

Is it any of our business? I think it is good to know why our fellow humans suffered so much that they had to die--good to know so we can rise, in any way to stop that suffering with our own efforts and choices, and by speaking out and helping out, in the most human and simple ways.

It is not a question of courage, pushing through or willingness to remain. It is possible he was tortured within--or even without. Sometimes the boundaries become unclear when in his line of work. Even the sanest, the bravest and the strongest are human.

How can we help him to rest in power and true peace? If the truth of how and why he died was discovered through inquiry and investigation, couldn't this lead to justice--and let him remain a hero to those who set out to help?

He believed in individuals and communities taking back their own power, and taking on responsibility for growth and transformation. To honor him, perhaps we can investigate our hearts, or do what he requested in his second to last Facebook post, which turned out to be his final request.

"Let's tell somebody from our neighborhoods that we love em."

Who killed MarShawn McCarrel?

This young activist was anything but a quitter.

He fought for justice and look how alive he was until he wasn't. He mentioned demons, and those who are awake and lovers of equality and freedom seem to have more than their share.

 What someone posts on twitter or facebook gives a fragment of the picture,
and so do their poems and their photographs.

The tweets of his last few weeks show someone young, powerful, thoughtful, hopeful, sensitive and at times haunted. But what was he haunted by and what took him out in the end? Could this have been seen or prevented?

I'm curious about what happened in his life between the late afternoon of  February 6, the entire day of February 7, and all the hours of the day of his death--as well as all of his life. There is something here that is worth not only honoring, but investigating.

On the surface, it is different from the outright racial hate crimes and murders, but what really pulled that trigger?  Where are the witnesses to his life and his death--and based on what they know, is his final post on Facebook plausible?

I do not know the whole story, but I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open, because I want to know the truth.

All -white Oscars a step backwards for mankind: here's why

I was thrilled as a child when Marlon Brando declined his Oscar for  Best Actor for (The Godfather,)  back in 1973, to protest the treatment of Native Americans by the film industry. Not because I was such a political child, although I did care about human rights; it was more that something shocking, unexpected and somehow very alive and human was happening in the midst of pageantry and glitz.

This year, I too, am blinded by the white!

Simple logic: We are a diverse nation. Are we expected to believe that there is a higher percentage of Caucasian talent in the field of acting, compared to the talent and abilities of African American, Hispanic, Asian, Native American talent? And all the other races not mentioned? Let’s assume that this is not the case.

Therefore, if the actors nominated for the Academy Awards represent the best in the business at this time, then why are only Caucasian actors represented? All 20 acting nominations went to white actors!

The question of why the Oscars are all-white again for the second year in a row is not the easiest to answer, and the solution is as complex as we wish to make it.

A shift in consciousness is what is called for, and what this will take, I do not know, except history tells us this shift occurs when one or a few stand up and take action, a tipping point occurs, something is uncorked and justice, for a time beings to flow. Sometimes progress is made, but often, in the case of inequality and prejudice it seems there are many steps backward during this timeline. 

An all -white roster of nominees indicates a step backwards.

It doesn’t matter if it is due to lack of great roles for non-Caucasians, lack of consciousness or objectivity on the part of the judges, ignorance or apathy—and it is certainly a combination of many factors. What matters is that something is off-balance. The world of talented actors is not being accurately represented.

Hopefully awareness of this issue will awaken care and understanding, some measure of clarity, and some decisions to make a positive effort to change--ourselves and the choices we make. We do not need to think in terms of inclusion so much as picking our heads up and taking off the blinders, seeing what is real and making our choices based on a reality more in line with the truth--even, or especially when it comes to our beloved movies, in this magical Oscar world that is bigger and brighter, than our own. The realm of movies is potentially unlimited--so why not go with that vision, instead of this narrow one?

oscars so white : why it matters

We should care about what's going on with the Oscars two years in a row.

Will Smith was not nominated for his knock-out performance in "Concussion."  Idris Elba and Abraham Attah were overlooked for their critically acclaimed roles in "Beasts of No Nation."

"Change is coming, but it's going to take its sweet time," Eldris said in a speech to the British Parliament in a packed hearing yesterday. This is not just a North American issue.

 Tessa Thompson and Michael B. Jordan were not nominated, in spite of  their powerful performances in "Creed."

Someone asked me if I thought it was intentional. As if there was a party going on and someone was not invited because they were Jewish, or blind, or gay.  This is how many white people think. Well did they do it on purpose? When did the movie business become a club that gets to pick who is invited?

Ever since certain standards of beauty began to rule our world.
Replace Jennifer Lawrence with a character actor, say someone with dark frizzy hair, non -smoldering eyes, a schlumpy body and non-sultry voice.  Would that actor have a chance for nomination with the script exactly as is? Would the mop-inventor the movie was based on have a chance to rise to the top "against all odds" if she had not been blonde and attractive according to this same standard of beauty? And what if we had a movie about an African American mop-maker--would that be a box office hit?

How many African American actors have been nominated for a movie where race was not a relevant factor or at least subtext? How ironic that anyone should suggest race does not matter, least of all in the movie industry. Imagine if every white actor played only in movies about race, and all the romantic comedies and epic adventures and science fiction films were cast exclusively with Asian, Hispanic and African American actors.  

Exclusion may or may not be intentional, but inclusion--or more specifically, the genuine state of being an inclusive human being, is a quality that can be learned and cultivated, and in some cases we choose to set a standard for inclusion, otherwise we will revert back to the oh, whatever mode of operation. Perhaps inclusion is not the opposite of exclusion but simply a crafty variant, because the very word implies that there is a group that makes the choices about inviting or dissing.


To many,  it is a question of honoring those who deserve to be honored. Period. To some white people this is a no big deal non-situation. (Just like Katrina!) It just happened! Right? Why is everyone so hurt about it? 

But the exclusion of people of  diverse background and race from an American Institution is about more than offended feelings; it's issue of human rights. 

I've been thinking about this issue and writing about it for days, and have become humbled. Each aspect opens another door and raises another question, and at the core is a rotten root that I personally can not speak about clearly or eloquently, either in illuminating the issues or offering solutions. I can only turn the light of inquiry onto myself. I can only say I feel crushed about the state of  inequality and the lack of justice in our world and the cruelty and the exclusivity, every time I witness it in the world at large or fall victim to it, as a member of a variety of subcultures. It is obviously not just feelings or careers but lives which hang in the balance when it comes to issues of racism, prejudice and inequality.

All I can do is become accountable for my own actions and reactions and come to be aware of my own choices. Become willing to be conscious of what I am doing and why I am doing it, and witness whether my action bring unity or division. And learn.

I learned a lot in my mostly white hipster town when I stood for a few hours last summer with a sign that said #blacklivesmatter. The racist filth that was spewed from the mouths of more than one bystander as well as the support of other onlookers who took up signs, was not that surprising; what was most surprising is that when I repeated the story, many were shocked: not in our town! Yes in our town! Perhaps even in your own mind!


What many white people don't understand and never will, is that there is not a level playing field.

Here are some areas where there is a level playing field for people of all races, cultures, genders and sexual and religious preferences, and all mental capacities and physical capacities:

We all are born, we all die; we all bleed and breathe.

If only we all had the same potential to suffer and to feel compassion, to be open to new ways of
thinking and acting so we might live lives that are more meaningful, useful, enjoyable and manageable. Some say we do!

It's taken me half a century to get to the point where I can stop making excuses long enough to listen and consider other's ways and other's rights, and the effect my actions and words have on others--in a healthy way. I'm not talking about shoving down my feelings or the truth of my heart and wisdom, but saying yes to life, yes to positive action, yes to achievement. One turning point for me has been to turn to the goal of unity and diversity and to turn to solutions rather than proving I'm right or having my way.

Some things are deal breakers. I can't say yes to physical and mental abuse. But physical and mental abuse is threaded through our world in so many subtle ways. I can't dictate what the powers that be--(of the Academy Awards crew, or of the heads of corporations or states, or even my landlord)--should do, only make a choice about what I will do today.

I appreciate that there is a controversy happening over the all white Academy Awards nominees
and that the Academy president has issued a statement about the lack of diversity and plans for the future. This opens the door to discussion and inquiry and we hope, fresh air, better movies and justice for more if not all.